Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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