dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just gargled with NyQuil
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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