I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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