what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
