Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
