i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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