There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
