Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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