She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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