The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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