she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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