He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
