I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
