Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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