I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
