I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize