capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
