You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
