Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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