listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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