Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
