Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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