You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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