Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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