Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
