I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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