Kiss
Puke
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
