You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
