I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
