Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
