why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
