It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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