apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
