I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone came in the potted fern
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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