I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
