The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize