Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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