Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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