Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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