i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
