I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
