Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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