I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is wine microwaveable?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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