Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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