Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
