I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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