Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can i not drive my cunt home
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
