can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
