yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
