He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
