Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
