We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
