i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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