We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
