I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
