My friends, they love my intelligence
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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