Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
