I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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