Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
