remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize