just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what day is it and did you see me today?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
