Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
