I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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