I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
