We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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