Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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