i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
