I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
