Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
