We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God, I missed his penis.
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